This here is the most ferocious hunter in all the land. Can’t you tell? Emilita Isabella María Santina Anna Pinta Guadalupe Dominga Rodríguez Sánchez Scroogè, known as “B” to her closest friends is quite possibly the best mouser in the neighborhood. You might not know it from the photo here, but she is very serious about her work. Just the other night, she was able to capture two prisoners in the span of 20 minutes. How does she do it you ask? She is a con artist. All of her closest friends are squirrels, birds, and chipmunks. What better way to coax a mouse out of hiding then saying, “hey you, I was on my way to play with that bird over there. Wanna join?” However she does it though, the fact of the matter is she knows how to catch a mouse. Let me tell you the tail…er tale of an unfortunate mouse who was destined to live a short life.

My Side

It was a typical evening at home when I heard the crash come from the kitchen. I quickly raced to find out what trouble my dearest Emilita had found tonight. This sound could range anywhere from chasing a ball into the wall to the wall being torn down. I emerged from my room to find what every proud pet parent longs to see, my little girl with a mouse dangling from her jaws. Tail in the air and strutting like on a cat walk, she came to me proudly with her catch. Knowing how disgusted of mice my mother was, I immediately instructed B not to drop the mouse until I could secure the underside of the door to my slumbering mother’s room. I rushed off for the supplies necessary to capture the prisoner as B very obediently kept hold of the mouse until I returned. When I told her to drop it I realized we were dealing with a child! I put a wastebasket over the mouse and sadly informed her that we could not kill this unfortunate soul since he was just a baby. She looked at me with a sad but understanding glance and stood guard at the prison gates.

My next move was to get the mouse securely into the wastebasket and outside. So I lifted the cell gates and put the can in the direction the mouse would run. There was one problem with this, I hadn’t instructed the guard to stand down. Seeing that this cat and mouse game would come to an end pretty quickly, I slammed the trash can back down to cover the mouse, but I miscalculated. Out one side stuck the head of a very terrified rodent and on the inside I presumed there was the recently paralyzed body of said rodent. My heart sank, other than the occasional insect and stubborn arachnid, I had never killed another living creature. I acted quickly and scooped him up with my hands and placed him in the can. I knew his fate had been decided and the best I could do was lay him to rest. By the time we reached the grave site, he was a goner. I was so deeply saddened by what had happened and the next morning told my mother of the events, “Mama, just killed a mouse.” I waited for my bohemian punishment and her response was, “I am so proud of you.”

B’s Side

Bitch told me not to kill the mouse and then she did!