#tbt

One succumbs to death

as one would succumb to sleep.

The child screams and fights

not quite ready to slumber yet.

Out all night the teen

still puts up a fight.

Then, without warning or right

Sleep sneaks in every night.

Before you know it

your eyes are closed tight.

© Autumn Siders 2014

Webster

Sara Bareilles is very wise in saying “I still count on one hand the number of good men I know.” Well Sara, I can count on one shop teacher’s hand the number of good men I know and two of those men are animals. It’s not that I am one of those man-hating women, I get along just fine with men. The problem is that many men and women lack the ability to be humble. There is one man I know though who humble, intelligent, and never complains about a thing. This man, is my bird Webster.

Webster came to live with us many years ago and the way we found him was quite incredible. My family and I were on our way out for the evening when we noticed something in the road outside our house. My mom stopped the van and when my brother and I jumped out, we realized that this “something” was really a bird. Now normally a bird in the street is not an unnatural thing, but when that bird is a cockatiel, that changes the story a bit. We figured there was no way we were going to be able to wrangle this beautiful yellow bird to safety and just as we tried to pick him up, he jumped right up on my brother’s finger. We brought him in the house and he spent his first night with us in a cat carrier. From the very beginning, we knew he was a special bird.

Now, Webster has been through so much with us. He has had some hardships of his own and through it all, he always has a smile on his face. He has known three different cats and five different fish and he has loved all of them. Even now when his cat seems to be first on the totem pole and he is often last, he is always patient and always kind. He knows that he will be taken care of and that if someone else needs the attention first, then he can handle getting the attention last.

Webster can ring the bell in his cage like no other, has the ability to say “kitty, kitty, kitty” and “I love you,” and is quite handsome, but the most amazing thing about Webster is that he is a kind soul. I can chat with him for just a little while and I am immediately calmed by his presence. Yes, he is a bird and I know there are many people out there who might disagree with me, but it doesn’t matter what body your soul may reside in but it does matter how your soul resides in the world.

My Hero

She didn’t give me her eyes,

but somehow we see the world the same way.

There are so many other gifts,

She gave to me that I appreciate every day.

She shows me courage,

and taught me not to care what others say.

She shows me strength,

and possesses a beauty that will never decay.

I may be biased,

but my feelings I can’t betray.

She is mother and my hero,

and my eyes will always see her this way.

© Autumn Siders 2015

Show Smash-Up

American Dynasty: A group of contestants competes each week to see who has the best duck call while a panel of judges gives feedback that doesn’t even matter since America gets to vote for the winner.

Everybody Loves the Walking Dead: After an apocalypse that causes the dead to rise, an Italian man must protect his wife, kids, brother, and parents while his pestering mother interferes in every aspect of his life.

Game of Cheers: On the continent of Westeros, at a bar where everyone knows your name, a bartender helps his patrons with difficult life decisions such as relationships, war, and whether or not to sleep with your sister.

Breaking the Bell: In order to secure his family finances after being diagnosed with cancer, a high school principal takes to becoming a drug dealer while dealing with a troublesome teen who is always up to some scheme.

Chasing Dexter: A young quick witted journalist finds out she has cancer and decides to do something valuable with her time left and become a vigilante killer.

More from the Greeting Card Aisle

Congratulations on your new job! We knew you could do it! So if we need to reach you at work, the number is 1-900…?
So sorry for your loss. The good news is you can’t lose your virginity twice!
Wedding bells are ringing! It’s finally time to meet your groom!
Congratulations on the new home! I hear Folsom is nice in the spring.
Congratulations on graduating! After 15 years in college you must be the smartest person I know!
You warm my soul and light my life like no other. Even if you did start that fire, I will wait 25 to life for you!
After 50 years of wedded bliss… I think it’s time we called it quits.

 

Happy Birthday, Emilita!

There is no one else who can make me smile like you do.

I can be in my darkest days when all it takes,

is one look at you to light my way.

There is no one else who can make me laugh like you do.

A simple look, a goofy act, your quirky moods,

are all things that fill my life with laughter.

There is no one else like you.

Your beauty, your style, your soul, your smile,

are what makes me proud to call you mine.

© Autumn Siders 2015

Back in Black…I Mean Orange

Who here is addicted to Orange is the New Black? You? If that is the case, you won’t be reading this post right now anyway, you will be binge watching season 3 since today is the day! In honor these lovable felons, I thought I would share some wacky laws with you to make sure you avoid a life behind bars. That is unless you want to share a cell with Alex Vause 😉

“All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle.” -Washington  So if it is nighttime and if it’s a boat, does he have to precede it with 2 red lanterns?

“It is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing.” -LeFors, Texas   Is that consecutively or all night? You better just sit if you want to drink.

“Sneezing or burping is illegal during a church service.” -Omaha, Nebraska   So much for a separation of church and state.

“Public boxing matches are outlawed.” -Massachusetts  Have you ever driven in the state of Massachusetts? A quick drive down to the grocery store leads to a public boxing match on a good day.

“It is illegal to wipe one’s car with used underwear.” -San Francisco, California  This is a close one for me seeing as I dust my house with socks. Definitely unused socks though.

If you want to check out more odd laws for your chance to join the lovely ladies of Litchfield, check this out.

#tbt

Found

The heart breaks into many little pieces,

and when you realize not all are found,

that is the moment your life ceases.

Zombie-like, you stumble through life,

devouring those who love along the way,

if you can’t live, why should they?

Then, that lost piece is found,

put back into place, your heart will sound,

true love at last, points you homeward bound.

© Autumn Siders 2014

The Six Degrees You Want to Stay Separate

I am sure many of you have heard of some form of the “six degrees of separation.” You may know it as the “six degrees of Kevin Bacon” or maybe you like to think of a similar idea from The L Word known as “OurChart.” The basic idea for those who may not know, is that any two people in this world can be linked together within six degrees (six people). For many this has always been an exciting notion for folks who just love to brag about knowing famous people. Now I am not one to brag, but here is an example for you. I know Jimmy Fallon. Okay, so I bagged his groceries once and he gave me a $10 tip. But this is enough of a connection to say that anyone who knows me (blog readers included) is now connected to Jimmy Fallon in two steps. Or is it one? Is Jimmy a step? Are you a step? Well you get the picture, you are practically related to Mr. Fallon!

Settle down though, because there is a dark side to this. In the same way that we can be so close to those stars we admire, we can also be close to some less than desirable human beings. I can go from Jimmy Fallon who knows Harrison Ford, who met Adolf Hitler when searching for a lost ark. Hmmm… somethings seems a little off with that, but you get my point. I am now associated with the Nazi leader (of sorts)! No excitement with that one. Here are some more fictional degrees of separation that I think should stay separated.

Ralph knows George who knows Allen who knows Eileen who answered that Craigslist ad which helped her meet Moe (the guy that broke into her house).

A young London boy named Jon knows a judge by the name of Turpin who happens to know a great barber on Fleet St.

Morgan knows Rachel who know Daniel who brings meals to Stan who now lives in solitary confinement at the state penitentiary and now knows no one but Dan.

A lost little boy named Marlon met a nice little girl named Wendy who flew away with a weird boy Peter who has a feud with a one handed pirate. (You decide if it’s worse being connected to Peter or to Hook???)

Jane knows Leon who knows Jack who knows Mike who sold his car to Adam (the getaway driver in a bank robbery).

Here’s to hoping your less desirable connections are at least six degrees away!

Feeding Ethiopia

Since the dawn of time, or maybe just the dawn of America, I feel like mothers and fathers across the country have always said, “Finish your dinner, there are children starving in fill in a third world country.” I have no doubt that there are children, adults, and animals starving all over the world, but I have never understood how finishing our dinner, makes those unfortunate folks any less hungry. I am not a food person, so this could be an area where I have no expertise, but here is my opinion. If I don’t finish the food on my plate, it is probably because I have no more room in my stomach to put it. So now that I have food left on my plate and nowhere to put it, how can I help these starving souls?

Obviously I should package up the remainders and send them to Ethiopia. My half-eaten chicken breast will be greatly appreciated by those who are less fortunate than I, at least if it survives the travel and is still edible. I think the bigger dilemma here, and I do mean bigger, is that in America there is no such thing as moderation. I don’t travel too much, so I can’t vouch for other countries, but I seem to get this is the general consensus on the good old U.S of A. Instead of parents telling their children to finish the food on the plate, maybe they should start by putting less food on the plate. If we consumed/wasted less food here, wouldn’t that leave surplus for others and maybe lower costs since the demand is not so high? Once again, in the department of business and economics I know nothing, but this just happens to be a common sense answer to me. Since we can’t seem to make this work, here is an alternative solution that a college roommate helped me figure out.

This roommate tended to have lots left on her plate, maybe her parents never learned that old standby command. Every day we would return home to food, not just scraps, but whole pieces that were put down our sink drain. After months of frustration, my other roommates and I came to the conclusion that maybe her parents did tell her not to waste and that at her house their drain must have led right to Ethiopia! She must have just assumed the same was true of our drain. While she was trying to make a valiant contribution to one of the world’s major problems, she was just causing our drain to constantly back up and leave a terrible mess for us. How could we fault her for being such a humanitarian?

This does get one thinking though. What if a pipeline could be constructed that sent all unwanted food to those in greater need? Now I wouldn’t really want someone’s leftovers, but when you have nothing, that can seem like a 5 star dinner. Better yet, maybe we could all just start thinking about how other people live on this planet with us and maybe that third Big Mac© isn’t quite as necessary to our survival as we thought.