Field Guide to Fictional Birds

Big Bird aves flavis, length 8’2,” wingspan 20′: Large yellow bird often confused with members of the canary, condor, and whooping crane families. Diet of cake. Flight pattern unknown due to lack of flight, but often seen around Sesame Street, NY. Unfortunately we cannot tell you how to get there. Voice: ab-keddef-gajihkel-monop-quristuv-wixyz

Tweety aves parvisflavis, length 13cm, wingspan 7″: Tiny yellow bird. Member of the canary family. First androgynous bird to star in his…her…? own show. Diet of Cheerios™. Flight pattern: away from Sylvester. Voice: I tawt I taw a puddy tat

Road Runner aves velis, length 52-62cm, wingspan 43-61cm: Incredibly fast and long-legged bird in the cuckoo family. Diet of smaller animals and insects which it kills by slamming them against the ground with what seems like the force of an anvil. Spends most of its time on the ground in the desert. Can be found running from coyotes. Voice: Beep, Beep

Toucan Sam aves luculentus, length 15″, wingspan 4′: Colorful bird with the incredible ability to smell out Froot Loops®. Eats mostly cherries, lemons, and oranges. Travels wherever his nose takes him. Voice: OOT-fray OOPS-lay

Iago ara irritis, length 81cm, wingspan 45″: Selfish, mischievous, and colorful this scarlet macaw feasts on fruits, nuts, and deceit. Often loves warmer and tropical climates, but can also be found spelunking in the Cave of Wonders. Voice: annoying

*Inspiration courtesy of my Life Partner 4 Life.


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