Things I Should Have Mastered by this Point in My Life

Giving My Name on the Phone

First of all, I guess I should say I need to master talking on the phone in general. I hate it. I find it so difficult to hear on any phone and I hate not being able to see a person’s face when I am talking to them. I also try to enunciate to be better heard, but that never works out to anyone’s advantage. By the time the phone call is over I am Adam Fibers. Maybe I will just change my name. That seems easier.

Having a Basic Conversation

I tend to be the kind of person who sits back and observes and this is how I glean all my information. I blame my lack of basic social skills on this fact. I feel sorry for my friends, I really do. I tend to be a private person, so when asked, “what’s new?” I respond with, “not much,” and then move right along. About 15 minutes later I think, I really should have asked them “what’s new with you?” By then it is far too late to ask without being more awkward so I sit back and wait for someone else to ask and then I listen.

Cooking and Baking

My diet pretty much consists of pizza, pasta, and Pop-Tarts®. I am a little bit of a picky eater, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to cook for someone else once in a while. I do enjoy baking as well, but as my mother points out, I tend to make things a little complicated. Since my diet is so limited, I never really understand what things are supposed to look like or taste like, so anything I do in this kitchen must be a little bit how a blind person feels in a new situation. Someday I will persevere, but until then the world will just have to eat my burnt pasta and sunken cakes.

Folding Laundry

My philosophy on clean clothes is the same as my philosophy on making the bed. You’re just going to jump right back in, so what is the point? I have to say I really do try my best at folding, but my failure has reached the point where I am asked not to fold any more laundry. I think I have even been asked not to put it away since I cancel out any folding that had been done in the process of shoving it in my drawers. Failure on my part or clever way of getting out of laundry? I will let you decide.

Drinking Coffee without Spilling it Everywhere

Sounds simple. It’s not. It could have something to do with the fact that I drink while laying back. It always happens with a white shirt. Maybe I was not ready to move out of the sippy cup stage of life? Maybe I should sit up? Either way this is a task that one should be able to handle if one is old enough to drink coffee. I think it is just time to upgrade to a dark brown wardrobe and décor.

Things I Should Have Mastered by this Point in My Life

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