Traveler

I have been to India, Africa, and Middle Earth.

I have traveled the world and seen it’s worth.

I have been to 1899, and some version of 1984.

I have seen many cultures and their ancient lore.

I have seen it all, in times of war and in times of peace.

I have searched for the Holy Grail and the Golden Fleece.

I have seen the hero win as well as the crook.

You too can see it all, just open a book.

© Autumn Siders 2015

That Demon Across the Way

The demon sits across the way,

in a smoke-filled room

and he tempts me to say

all the secrets that loom.

He pokes and prods

and insists that he knows best.

One slips out and he applauds

and with that clever grin, he knows the rest.

The secrets pour out one by one

and the smoke-filled room begins to clear

and it’s obvious there is no where to run

because that demon is just a mirror.

© Autumn Siders 2015

Happy Holidays!

New holidays are popping up everywhere and it is just a shame you can’t find the right cards to celebrate these special days. Here are some ideas for you and the dates that we celebrate these fine holidays.

Happy Vesuvius Day! Hope it’s a blast! 8/24 Vesuvius Day
Roses are red, violets are blue. Hope your day is filled with bad poetry too! 8/18 Bad Poetry Day
Today is teh day you need too bring youre “a game.” Happy Proof Reading Day! 3/8 Proof Reading Day
1123581321345589…. Hope your Fibonacci Day is the sum of the last two! 11/23 Fibonacci Day
Happy Belated Ninja Day! Boy it sure does sneak up on you! 12/5 Ninja Day

 

Tomorrow

If the world ended tomorrow,

would you be content with what you’ve done?

With no time left to borrow,

can you honestly say it’s been fun?

Instead of leaving this place in sorrow,

could you leave on a ray of sun?

There is always the threat of no tomorrow,

so live each day like it’s your last one.

© Autumn Siders 2015

Who Said It?

We have a great little inspirational book on our counter at the store. It is a pocket book of inspirational sayings from Pema Chödrön. For those who don’t know, she is a Buddhist nun who has a lot of positive things to say. It is a great little book and for some people these positive reassurances certainly help. I have nothing against her or what she does, but I hate this book. Why? Her picture is on the front. Now Pema, I am not saying you are hideous nor am I trying to insult you, in fact you look good if you are actually 79. The thing that bothers me is that at least once a day, if not more, I have a customer ask, “oh, is that you? You look like her.” I am 25! I am not a 79-year-old Buddhist nun!Pema-Chodron2

This is who people think I look like!→

So, we are going to play a little game of “Who said it? Pema or Autumn?”

Whoever gets the most right wins the fabulous prize of my appreciation.

Click here ↓Take the Quiz!

Reincarnation

I don’t really know what my stance is on one’s soul having recurring lives, but there are definitely instances out there that can make one believe that this is possible. Personally, I have many times in my life where I feel like maybe I have lived a life on this planet before this one. Call it déjà vu, call it reincarnation, call it bullshit, but the feeling is there. So, here are my theories on the lives I have lived that led me to this one.

The year is 1017 and my cousin Cnut (yes, you are reading that right) the Great is King of England. I am known as a dreng, which can be translated to “warrior” or “man.” I fight. I eat. I pillage. I plunder. There is not much else to life.

The year is 1453 and I live on Easter Island. I am sculptor and work on statues to honor the dead. I sculpt. I eat. There is not much else to life.

The year is 1599 and they have just built a fabulous theatre on the Thames. I don’t mean to brag but I know a guy who knows a guy and I might just have a part in a play based on the life of the late Julius Caesar. I act. I eat. What else can there be in life?

The year is 1776 and it is the day after Christmas. I am cold, wet, and wanting so desperately to go home. We trust Washington though and sure enough just outside Trenton we score a victory! I fight. I eat…sometimes. Isn’t there anything more to life?

The year is 1920 and I have found me the perfect woman! She wears short skirts! By the end of this decade I will be a millionaire with the prettiest wife for sure. I dance. I eat. This is the life.

The year is 2015 and finally the higher powers have allowed me to live the best life yet! I am finally a woman and so I get to experience life in a whole new way now that I have a brain! I think. Nothing in life could be greater than that! Except never having to eat again.

#tbt

A nice Hobbit inspired rap from my high school days.

We are the elves,

we don’t work for no Santa Claus,

come with us and you’ll find our cause.

We live in the woods,

and we ain’t from the hoods,

all we do is sing

with our elven king.

When we’re not singin’,

we’re eatin’ and meetin’ in the woods

but if you come we’ll hide our goods.

Now you know who we are

and you know what we do

we the elves and we rule.

© 2003

Eternal Student

There are many a scholar

who still pay dollar after dollar

and seek the fullest knowledge

they can gain from their college.

While it’s certainly a wonderful notion

to have one’s education as a devotion,

there is only so much that money can buy

and the rest must be learned on the fly.

For all those eternal students, where is the sense

in collecting debt while living with their parents?

Well it doesn’t take a college degree to see

there is no better price for rent than free.

© Autumn Siders 2015

SWF Seeking Partner for the Apocalypse

So my mom was just informing me that I should find myself a rich woman to take care of me and then we would never have to worry about money. My reply to this was, “I can’t find any woman, much less a rich one!” Now I am the last person who would ever use online dating or classifieds to find a partner, you can ask my friends if you don’t believe me, but I figured I would post a nice classified ad/online profile here. You see, my life is not that exciting, so I am here to show you all how to represent yourself in your profiles/ads without lying so that you can find your one true love. Or 5 new ex true loves.

SWF Seeks GF for the Zombie Apocalypse

Basic Information:

Occupation: Management (Never give away where you work, just make it sound important)

Age: 25 Quarter of a Century (makes you sound more mature)

Height: 5’4″ sometimes 5’6″ with that one pair of sneakers with really great arch support  5’4″

Wants Kids: To go away

Ethnicity:  Part German, Austrian, and Russian. White.

Religion: Doomsday Prepper

Drinks: water, milk, pop

Smokes: Bacon

About Me

I spend most days and nights at home with my mom, cat, and bird. I am very family oriented. I love to talk to the animals in my yard. I am quite the social butterfly. In my spare time I alphabetize my book shelves. I am a very organized individual. I am a very picky eater, so my diet consists of three dishes which I have perfected. While not a professional chef by any standards, I certainly know my way around a kitchen. I can and do read more than 3 books at a time. I am a great multitasker which comes in handy with my busy schedule. Writing a blog is one of my only ways of human communication. Skilled writer who has been been published and read in multiple countries. Waiting and preparing for the day that my skills will come to use when the dead rise and I will save the world. Insatiable dreamer who prepares for any situation.