Month: September 2015

Friends throughout the Ages

No matter what trends come and go, what new technology comes about, or how the times change, friendship is one thing that will never go out of style. Here is how to determine if you have reached best friend status no matter in which century you reside.

1300’s

  • You don’t rape your friend’s wife
  • You don’t judge your friend for supporting an indecisive pope
  • You share a drink with your friend even when he exhibits the symptoms of the plague
  • You would do anything for your friend, including commit heresy

1600’s

  • You keep in touch even after you or your friend set sail for the New World
  • You support your friend’s religious freedoms
  • Together you start the first book club to discuss the first novel, Don Quixote de la Mancha by Cervantes
  • You would do anything for your friend, including hide the other blankets in the box marked “Indians”

1700’s

  • You listen to your friend go on and on about taxes on tea
  • You dress up like Indians to vandalize a ship
  • You agree to disagree when you find out your friend is a Tory
  • You would do anything for your friend, including lend them your best horse

1950’s

  • You talk about your husbands
  • You share recipes
  • You hook up while your husbands are at work…okay maybe you are more than friends
  • You would do anything for your friend, including bake them a cake

Today

  • You have the password for the WiFi at your friend’s house
  • You know exactly how your friend takes their coffee
  • You are grateful for unlimited texting, otherwise your phone bill would be outrageous
  • You would do anything for your friend, including pause Netflix

Daily Inspirations

We could all use a little pick me up every now and then. Here are some inspirational quotes and sayings brought to you by yours truly.

The best and worst things in life all revolve around love; it is up to you if it is the best or worst.

The best memories are made when your phone dies.

Distance never comes between friends. It just results in high phone bills and expensive plane tickets.

The only acceptable excused absence for life must be written in the form of an obituary.

The only thing to fear is fear itself…and crazy bitches ’cause they can light your house on fire.

Now You See Me, Now You Don’t

There are very few times

when a cat wants to be seen.

If your attention is needed,

you will know what I mean.

When I am napping and hunting

or eating or sleeping

your voice is not needed

and your face not worth seeing.

I hide for a reason

and no matter how you call

I will not respond or come

I don’t look like a dog at all.

So here are the rules,

there are two times we should meet,

if ever there is poop on my butt,

or every time I need a treat.

© Autumn and Emilita Siders 2015

I Wish

While I am quite content with who I am, there are a few things that I have always wished for that might make life a little better or at least a little fun.

-I wish I had a foreign accent. (I did try this my first day of high school, hoping I could convince everyone I was really British. Unfortunately, my British and Australian are a little muddled.)

-I wish I were just a few inches taller. (I don’t want to play basketball or anything, just reach the top shelf without a stretch.)

-I wish I could read an entire book in a minute. (This is really the only way I could come close to finishing my ever-growing library.)

-I wish I had the money and space to adopt every cat in need and find them forever homes. (Let’s face it, I would probably take in every animal in need.)

-I wish my cat loved me. (At least she loves the treats I give her.)

-I wish I had the ability to heal or at least ease the pain of my loved ones. (Maybe the least realistic of my wishes, but possibly the one I would wish for most.)

Secret Place

Just between you and me

there is a secret place

to which I can escape

and be who I am truly.

No matter what I say

or how hard you may seek,

this place will remain a secret

since only I know the way.

The walls that surround

are impenetrable for sure

and no tools and no words

will bring them to the ground.

But if ever you hold a space

within my heart I could arrange

a trip around the walls

and a glimpse at my secret place.

© Autumn Siders 2015

#tbt

English Translation

Long ago in a far away land, there lived a woman named Arantxa. She lived in a little house in the woods with a dwarf woman and a cat.

The little house was black and had many windows. It was very old and near the house there were many trees.

Arantxa was blonde and beautiful. She had blue eyes and was very nice.

The cat was named Zorro. He was very handsome, intelligent, and blue. Arantxa loved the cat.

The dwarf was called Paloma. She was ugly and short but very nice. She lived with Arantxa but she was always lonely.

One day, while they were living the boring life, a thief named Ricardo appeared. Ricardo kidnapped Paloma. Arantxa and Zorro were very sad.

Arantxa called the prince and he left the castle. His name was Ignacio and with his father, he searched the woods but he couldn’t find Paloma.

Arantxa was lonely. Zorro stopped eating and was sick and he was very skinny.

Then, one day, a beautiful princess arrived at the house. She said, “Arantxa? ‘Tis I, Paloma!”

Right after, Ricardo entered the house but as a handsome prince. Paloma said, “we fell in love and then my fairy godmother appeared and changed us into a prince and a princess.” Zorro and Arantxa were happy.

But Paloma said goodbye to Arantxa and Zorro and she lived happily with Ricardo. Arantxa fell in love with Ignacio and married him. Arantxa and Zorro moved into the castle and all lived happily ever after.

The End.

Epiphanies

It is true that you learn something new everyday. At least if you keep an open mind and are willing to learn this is true. These are some recent epiphanies that have blown my mind and changed my life forever.

-I need to stop smiling in pictures because I have chubby cheeks and smiling makes me look about 100 lbs. heavier than I actually am.

-Before you hit “spin” in Trivia Crack, you can move the wheel manually to a different icon.

-The world really is a scary place with scary people out there and they all support the Trump campaign.

-Occam’s razor does not really apply to me or anyone in my family, it is almost always the zebra in our case.

-Knowing that someone else is wrong, doesn’t make you right.

-9 times out of 10, self-diagnosing oneself with Google is more accurate than any doctor. And hey, for that tenth time, at least you saved your money for the hospital bills that will ensue after the infection spreads.

-Walking a mile in someone’s shoes really does no good because we all have different feet.