Humans Say the Darndest Things

My people seem to think that I love being sung to. They have a song for this and a song for that and speak to me as if I am a child. Well I have news for them, I am a dignified, 5-year-old woman. So when they sing to me those little rhymes, this is what I am really thinking.

I don’t want to be a baby cat,

I don’t like to be a baby cat,

I am surely not your baby cat,

but I can be a killer cat.

meow, meow, meow

meow, meow, mao.

Licky, licky, sticky, sticky, picky, picky…

just put my damn food down so I can eat it.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….oh, you said something?

You want to go for a walk?

Go outside and see the birds?

Tend to the gardens?

No, I just want a fish.

I Had Yet Another Dream

My most recent dream was like most of my dreams. It involved zombies. Most nights as I slumber, my mind rushes to an apocalyptic world where the zombies roam free and I can save the world each night. As you might know from reading some earlier posts, I truly believe that if the apocalypse ever came our way that I would not only survive, but thrive.

This thought changed last night though when in my dream appeared a friend. Now this friend is terrified of any bug, butterflies included. She has come close to cutting her thumb off with a knife, twice in the same day, with the same knife. In my dream however, she was leading her own group of survivors and actually ended up saving me from near death. It is hard to think that I would need help in this world that I am seemingly prepared for and my friend who struggles to survive adulthood, (love ya, DOOBAH) in this parallel reality of my dream could be better than I.

With this in mind, I decided to come up with a list of ways that I would go down in the apocalypse so as to even better prepare myself.

-Starvation: The true challenge in any end of the world scenario is finding food and water. Being the picky eater that I am, my task would be twice as challenging. I better start expanding my horizons now, otherwise the only thing I will be eating in the end are brains.

-Clumsiness: While I will deny it to the end, my mother is right. I am clumsy. There are so many scenarios here to prepare for that I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Number one on my list would be grabbing a zombie’s head from behind to stab my knife through and I end up stabbing my own hand as well. Maybe meditation will help.

-Blindness: Where do you find contacts in an apocalypse? What if your glasses break? It’s bad enough now I can’t see the clock in the middle of the night. Saving up for Lasik now could save my life later.

-Love for Weaponry: What if I find a beautifully crafted katana? What if Dean’s Colt 1911 .45 with custom engraving does exist? I can’t even bring myself to use the pocket knife that a friend (thanks, Indy) brought back from Toledo for me. If push comes to shove do I put myself before these great works of art? Hopefully I can just take care of the zombie with my bare hands.

-Love of Animals: This one gets me in real life and zombie apocalypses. I couldn’t hurt a lion if it meant life or death. But let’s face it, the lioness is probably more dangerous to me than the lazy man. Either way, if we are talking zombie dogs from Resident Evil or the bear in my back yard, I am a goner if they attack because I could never hurt them.

#tbt

I never asked you to protect me,

I only asked that you love me.

When I gave you my heart

I never imagined

how you could tear it apart.

I never asked you to defend me

I only asked that you love me.

Why can’t you possibly see

that in love with you

was all I wanted to be?

Now I am asking you to leave me

when all I wanted was to love you.

© Autumn Siders 2015

Back in My Day

Back in my day

we did it a different way

and we had souls

and we had goals

and we were productive

members of society.

And now, the youth of today,

all they want to do is play.

Things have changed

so they must be blamed

until one day they’ll say

that’s not how we did it in my day.

© Autumn Siders 2015

Alone Time

I love it when they have things to do

and they leave me by my lonesome.

I sit and watch my birds

and dream all day through.

But then there comes a time

when my solitude becomes a bore

and I have to find those people for food;

that’s all they are good for.

© Autumn and Emilita Siders