About a week ago, a lone white chicken ventured into our yard. Our initial thought was that she must belong to someone nearby and that she would return home as soon as she got bored of being a runaway. Well as the days pass, she seems to be right at home in our yard and has made sleeping arrangements in our tree. While we certainly don’t mind the visit from our new friend, the nights are getting colder and we fear that she will not last much longer on her own.

So, we contacted some current chicken owners to see if they would take her and they graciously accepted. They even said they wouldn’t change the name we gave her, Whatthe Cluck. The only problem that remains is actually catching her. She has survived quite well on her own and for that very reason, she is not as easy to approach as one would think. In fact, I would say she is a little…chicken.

For anyone who might find themselves in a similar predicament, here are some tips for what NOT to do when trying to catch a wild chicken.

-Never refer to her by her first name until you have reached a certain level in your relationship. Ms. Cluck does not respond to just anyone calling her Whatthe.

-Don’t hide behind the sheet you intend to throw on her when she gets close. While she may not see you, she is not an idiot. Who knew chickens could laugh?

-When you save her from the neighborhood cat don’t take the credit. She says she would be fine on her own, after all she is quite clucky to have survived this long on her own.

-So you think you can climb up in the tree and grab her at night? She is no dummy; of course she chose the perch that was just the right height from the ground and in a tree full of dead branches. Chickens weigh a lot less than humans.

-So you think you speak chicken? Don’t string together your clucks in the wrong way. You could go from saying “Whatthe Cluck” to “Cluck You.”

-Finally the thing to remember when trying to catch any animal. No matter what good you think you are doing or how you intend to help, you are still the enemy. You might as well be going at her with machete. After all, only a psycho would hide behind a sheet.