Whatthe Cluck

About a week ago, a lone white chicken ventured into our yard. Our initial thought was that she must belong to someone nearby and that she would return home as soon as she got bored of being a runaway. Well as the days pass, she seems to be right at home in our yard and has made sleeping arrangements in our tree. While we certainly don’t mind the visit from our new friend, the nights are getting colder and we fear that she will not last much longer on her own.

So, we contacted some current chicken owners to see if they would take her and they graciously accepted. They even said they wouldn’t change the name we gave her, Whatthe Cluck. The only problem that remains is actually catching her. She has survived quite well on her own and for that very reason, she is not as easy to approach as one would think. In fact, I would say she is a little…chicken.

For anyone who might find themselves in a similar predicament, here are some tips for what NOT to do when trying to catch a wild chicken.

-Never refer to her by her first name until you have reached a certain level in your relationship. Ms. Cluck does not respond to just anyone calling her Whatthe.

-Don’t hide behind the sheet you intend to throw on her when she gets close. While she may not see you, she is not an idiot. Who knew chickens could laugh?

-When you save her from the neighborhood cat don’t take the credit. She says she would be fine on her own, after all she is quite clucky to have survived this long on her own.

-So you think you can climb up in the tree and grab her at night? She is no dummy; of course she chose the perch that was just the right height from the ground and in a tree full of dead branches. Chickens weigh a lot less than humans.

-So you think you speak chicken? Don’t string together your clucks in the wrong way. You could go from saying “Whatthe Cluck” to “Cluck You.”

-Finally the thing to remember when trying to catch any animal. No matter what good you think you are doing or how you intend to help, you are still the enemy. You might as well be going at her with machete. After all, only a psycho would hide behind a sheet.

Whatthe Cluck

My Welcomed Distraction

I try to do my work

but there you are in my chair.

I surrender to your wills

and welcome your deposit of hair.

I try to clean the room

and here you are to help

but then the vacuum comes

and you are gone with a yelp.

I try to watch the film

and welcome you with open arms

only to find out you think

your butt holds more charm.

I try to go to sleep

and shut my eyes for the day

only to find out now

you’ve decided to play.

©Autumn Siders 2015
My Welcomed Distraction

#tbt

WHATEVER IS BEHIND MY MASK,
YOU HAVE DISCOVERED IT.
I TRIED TO CATCH IT AS IT FELL,
BUT IT WAS GONE BEFORE I COULD TELL.
I PRIDE MYSELF IN MYSTERY,
BUT WITH YOU I CANNOT BE PROUD
I AM HELPLESS WHEN I AM IN YOUR HANDS.
BUT, THERE IS NO PLACE I’D RATHER BE,
WHEN I’M WITH YOU
AND YOU’RE WITH ME.

© Autumn Siders 2008
#tbt

Thankful

I could list names and items, but this way is more fun. So, here is my round about way of giving thanks to all for which I am grateful.

-Those few friends who I can talk to once a year and pick up right where we left off with no problem.

The Walking Dead and of course Robert Kirkman for making zombies popular again.

-One not-so-dedicated trumpet player whose hug can heal all and whose counsel is always valued.

-A life partner for life.

– A family from across the pond whose generosity proves there are good people left on the planet.

– Bros, V & X.

-The one that got away but ended up exactly where she needs to be.

-The one I rag on, but don’t worry, just chew gum, feel good.

-Who’s Kim?

-A world traveler who I would travel to the bottom of a canyon to see.

-Books. Without them, I would go mad. With them, I probably am mad.

-My bookstore family. Without them, I would go mad. With them, I probably am mad.

-Vanilla ice cream, root beer, and pretzels.

-A feathered man who flew into my heart.

-A furry lady who bit her way into my heart.

-The one person who is required to love me by the laws of nature, but would love me anyway.

Thankful

557

You can blame me all you want

but I know exactly where I stand.

The faults I have in your eyes

are what truly make me grand.

So pass your judgement quickly

because I have no time for you.

While you wallow in that pity,

I know what is true.

© Autumn Siders 2015
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