How to Be Arrested for Murder

I feel like I am overly qualified in this matter after my extensive research of days spent watching crime dramas. No matter what the show is, there seem to be a few sure fire ways to end up on a list of suspects. So whether you want to avoid being on that list, or really want a tour of the police station, use these tips at your own discretion.

-Have a really loud argument with the victim. Don’t know who the victim will be? Just argue with everyone! No matter how big or how small the issue, make it loud and make it noticed and you will be sure to be the very first person they call into the interrogation room.

-Smoke ’em if you got ’em! Smoke in every dark place and low-traffic area. Outside the bar in the alley, in that secret corner of the park, right under the window of the girl you stalk. Make sure you leave your DNA in clear view for those detectives. If you feel strongly against smoking, then at least spit out your gum.

-Location, location, location. Live in the rough part of town. There are plenty of respectable people living in these areas and you could be one of them. But, if you really want to be brought in on any charges you need to live in the most dangerous part of town.

-Have a dirty secret. You need to have one thing that you wouldn’t want to share with anybody so that you can’t tell your true alibi at first. Maybe you are having an affair, maybe you have a secret club that is a mix of Dungeons & Dragons and 50 Shades of Grey. Either way, make it very embarrassing.

-Finally, if you need to pull out the big guns, make sure your vehicle is stolen. Whatever you do though, do not report it. Also make sure that it happens right before the crime is committed. It doesn’t help if it happens after!

Good luck to you!

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