It’s Just Ebola…

I am looking to set a world record with my cough. I have had a chronic cough for about two months now and it shows no sign of going away. I feel fine, other than the occasional sore throat or chest from the severity of the cough and I have even been checked out by a medical professional who says it is just a result of allergies. She even prescribed me loads of stuff which made it worse, so I really trust her medical opinion. My condition is quite annoying, probably no good for my ribs, and tends to cause the folks around me to inch away slowly. I even had a customer tell me that they were in the store a month ago and heard me coughing so badly that they left since they thought I was contagious. This malady may be ruining my social life, but there is no reason I can’t have some fun with it. Here is a list of responses that will now be used whenever I get those nasty looks from people:

-Hey, can I bum a cigarette? I ran out.

-Man, I have had this cough since I got back from West Africa. Can I have a sip of your water?

-Oh, don’t worry I am fine. I just went to the doctor the other day they gave me a T.B. test and everything. Hey, what’s that circle on my arm?

-This cough? I’ve had it forever…but this rash looks new…

-I have this crazy story…I was at a secret lab the other day and they had this monkey there. He was so cute but I couldn’t stand him being in a cage so I let him out but he may have been in there because he was a little aggressive. He ended up biting me so I ran away and just as I was leaving the building there was this alarm going off and this gate coming down. It was so weird.


You know that times are tough when you are replaced by a machine. My people are apparently not happy with my work because they have brought in mouse traps. Do you know what this does to a cat? I sit up all night waiting to catch mice. I inform them when I hear one. All my time and effort goes into my job and they have the balls to replace me! I am a cat though, so I will walk away proud with my tail in the air, but let me give you a piece of my mind.

Does a mouse trap bring the mouse and lay it at your feet?

Does a mouse trap act like it is happy to see you when you come home?

Does a mouse trap scratch you and pretend like it was an accident?

Does a mouse trap vomit in your bed?

Does a mouse trap decorate your home and wardrobe in cat hair?

Does a mouse trap keep your seat warm for you when you get up and when you get back?

You think a mouse trap is so great, sleep with it instead of me!


The thing about love

is that it’s never free

and try as you may

you can’t force what cannot be.

The thing about hate

is it comes at a cost

and wasting all that energy

always leaves you lost.

The thing about love

is that whatever you pay

you’ll get more back from it

than hate will get you today.

© Autumn Siders 2015

Do I Know You?

There is inevitably the uncomfortable period in which my hair reaches a certain length and all of sudden, I look very familiar to a lot of people. Why this phenomenon happens, I do not know, maybe I just have a familiar face? Whatever the cause, after a while it gets a bit annoying when people start to say, “you look exactly like my friend, but you can’t be, because she lives in Michigan.” So, if one more person tells me I look like someone else, these are the responses they are going to get.

-Oh, you probably just recognize me from America’s Most Wanted. That sketch artist finally got my nose right, don’t you think?

-I look like your friend? Well that’s because I am! Remember you owe me $20?

-I look familiar? Hmmm…probably because I have been stalking you for a month. I was waiting to see how long before you realized.

-Well, I am actually her twin sister, but I have been institutionalized for a few years. She doesn’t like talking about me for some reason. I think it has to do with that paintball incident.

-Sssshhhh! I am actually undercover as a salesperson at this bookstore. We are infiltrating a ring of dirty book buyers who have been marketing 50 Shades of Grey as classic literature.

Cause to Affect

A butterfly may flap it’s wings

from somewhere far away

and cause disruption elsewhere

at least this is what they say.

For every cause there must be

an effect that changes life

for one or maybe many

this can add or remove strife.

If everyone made it their cause

to affect another’s soul

perhaps the world might

be just a little more whole.

© Autumn Siders 2015