New Year’s Resolutions

Everybody’s got ’em. Everybody ignores ’em after they make ’em. New Year’s Resolutions, Folks! Here are mine, which I fully intend to act upon in the new year…of 2025.

-Get a haircut

-Read the dictionary

-Adopt 5 more cats and one dog…pending Emilita’s approval

-Lose 5 pounds of fat and gain 10 pounds of muscle

-Stop coughing

-Move to someplace exotic like the Dead Sea

-Perform an exorcism

-Earn enough money to donate to an animal shelter and pay the rent for the month (1 out of 2 wouldn’t be bad either)

-Travel to Australia to find myself a nice shelia

-Find some type of food that doesn’t make me gag

-Make my cat love me and not the treat bag

-Make my clothing out of cat hair so I never have to worry about getting the cat hair off before I go places

-Buy my mom a secluded house on a remote island far from cigarettes, bratty kids, and noisy neighbors

-Find a way to break it to my mom that Emilita will not be joining her on said island

-Finally, help achieve world peace

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