Well That’s Original

I finally saw the new Star Wars this weekend and was very impressed. I haven’t been to see a movie in a very long time and with no television I don’t really see trailers anymore. That being said, I had absolutely no idea what any of the other movies playing were. While it will probably take me another five years to go see another movie, I got very excited to see the previews for the sole reason of finding out what new movies would be out soon so that I could at least think about going to see one. I was very disappointed though as the previews began to roll and I realized that every single movie being advertised was a sequel, based on a book, or re-make. I thought I was back in the 90’s as Jeff Goldblum witnessed more aliens coming to earth. I have no idea which X-Men preview I saw, but I know that they have to save the world and become accepted as the mutants they are. Even the trailer for the 5th Wave brought no excitement as it is just another apocalyptic teenage drama where all the adults die. Even the movie I was going to see, while great, was another sequel.

I can take one thing away from this: Hollywood is in need of an original idea. I am here to help. Here are some great, completely original ideas, for all those screenwriters out there. You can take them for free, but if you do make a movie I think it’s only fair that I get 75% of whatever you make.

Undercover: A lonely bookstore employee is forced to work the night shift when she witnesses a gruesome murder in the reference section as a panda eats, shoots, and leaves. Given that the local police can’t even find said bookstore, they are even less likely to believe the employee’s story. She sets off on her own to uncover the mystery and uncovers a deadly underground organization of hard-core grammarians who will stop at nothing to make sure the English language is not butchered.

Not My Type: An elderly man decides to create an online dating profile to bring a little excitement into his life. His wife decides to do the same. At home all they do is bicker and state their constant disapprovals of each other, but online their love life flourishes. Unbeknownst to them, their online matches are actually each other. The two decide to meet IRL but he dies of a heart attack before they ever can. She finally feels free of her loveless marriage, but betrayed by the man she never met. Then she dies too.

In Position: Always willing to try new things, a young woman decides to try every position in the Kama Sutra in a year. There is only one problem, she lacks a partner to try them with. She places an add to find suitable suitors but gets more than she bargained with when one of her responses comes from a soldier from the most elite special ops unit. In the middle of their “date,” he gets called away on a mission, but nothing will stand in the way of hers.

You’re welcome, Hollywood.

 

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