Human for Sale

Pure-bred human, potty-trained. This 26-year-old female will bring joy to your life. Knows the commands, feed me, out, clean that up, and pick that up.

Help Wanted

Seeking a responsible individual to clean up litter box twice daily. Tasks include scooping poop, pee, and occasional removal of errant waste. Must have the ability to bend over and lift 3 oz.

For Sale

Never been used cat bed. Was purchased for me by silly humans who thought I would like it better than the box in which it was delivered. Would be a nice addition to any house with a dog.

Personals

Single black and white long-haired beauty seeks no one. Leave me alone.

Roommate Wanted

Immediate vacancy for a rodent to fill the space in the wall. Previous tenant disappeared without a trace.