This Country’s in the Toilet

I have posted before about nasty looks I get using the bathroom just because I wear men’s clothing and have short hair. While this is annoying for me, I can’t imagine what it must be like for a transgendered person what with the recent commotion.

I am glad that this highly important issue of where to pee is being discussed because this is obviously the most important issue that the government needs to address and write legislature for at the moment. Poverty, terrorism, healthcare, and human rights are all issues that can wait. Our county obviously became great when we stopped taking a leak on a tree and started building infrastructures to house the ever holy bathroom. Of course these great structures would not be complete without a “his” and “hers.” And these bathrooms have so many uses too!

Well, call me traditional, but I use public restrooms for a very specific reason…to go to the bathroom. Okay, sometimes you get a bloody nose or need to wash your hands. Maybe you just need to look in the mirror to see if you look smashing enough to ask that pretty girl if you can buy her a drink. But, you don’t ask her out in the bathroom, do you? Have I been doing this wrong all these years? Why is everyone so stressed about who is using what bathroom? I think the people we need to be worrying about are the ones who have a problem with it since they are obviously doing things in the bathroom that they should not be if they know who has which genitals.

Here is a list of all the behavior and items that need to be banned from bathrooms as well as laws that should be enacted, so that we can stop banning people from bathrooms.

-No more urinals in the men’s room. Come on, guys, we all know you take a peek every now and then.

-No more changing tables for babies. This will really put an end to all those perverts who want to get a load of the load in your baby’s diaper.

-Any stall door with a broken lock must be fixed or the entire stall deemed out of order.

-No sex! Nothing screams romance like that ever-wafting fecal odor.

-No shoe tying. While bent over, you could look under the door and find Mrs. Doubtfire!


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