Vote Early, Vote Often

We here in America are experiencing one of the scariest election seasons known to our young country. It seems most citizens are resigned to vote for the lesser of two evils and for each citizen, “evil” has a very different meaning. Do we vote to “Make America Great Again?” After all slavery, a lack of rights for women, and male bigotry are the key components that created the land we love. Or, do we vote for a woman who would seem a little less than trustworthy, but hey, we all know she’s already been president.

Well, friends, I have the solution to this terrible dilemma. Come this Tuesday, I will be writing in the only candidates fit to run our country. Wanda Sykes and Ellen DeGeneres.

Here are some reasons why Sykes/DeGeneres is the only way to vote:

  • Wanda Sykes started out working for the NSA. She knows how important this country’s safety is and also how to send emails properly.
  • After leaving college, Ellen DeGeneres clerked at a law firm, meaning she knows just as much if not more that Donald Trump about the ins and outs of political policy.
  • Sykes is not afraid to talk about and deal with the hard issues “I’m a black, gay woman. I think the only way to make the GOP hate me more is if I sent them a video of me rolling around on a pile of welfare checks.”
  • DeGeneres has wonderful family values, her mother, Betty, is present in the audience during many of her shows. She has supported her daughter through thick and thin, even during those mullet days in the 80’s.
  • Both represent the kind of love and family that this country needs. Each has been married since 2008, and they even still love their wives. Respectively, of course.

How do they stack up in comparison to our other candidates?

Trump

Presumably both would know how to grab pussy just as well, if not better. Also know how to do so respectively.

Clinton

Both are women, just like Hillary.

Still have your doubts??

The most important thing to note is that they both support the gay agenda. Maybe they can finally make clear exactly what that is.

Vote Early, Vote Often

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