Two Thumbs Up

I saw Beauty and the Beast this weekend for the sole fact that Belle was my first crush and I had to see how Emma Watson stacked up against my cartoon crush of childhood. (Yes, I was attracted to girls at the age of three. Baby, I was born this way.) Emma, you were better than I thought, but it seems nothing can compare with the animated beauty voiced by Paige O’Hara. Why am I still single? My standards are not too high.

Why, you ask, was Belle my first crush? (Fun fact: the original pink ranger was my second. To be honest, if I met Amy Jo Johnson today I’d run away with her. That is if Sara Bareilles says “no” first.) Back to Belle, the woman is perfect. She is a unique individual shunned by the town folk, she loves to read, she has a mind of her own, she is brave, she can sing, she is so beautiful that her name means “beauty,” and she has a strong compassion for animals. Maybe too strong, but I digress.

So, if you are thinking of boycotting the film because of the two-second scene where two men dance together, I would suggest you re-think. All in all, this remake was not too bad and there were no absolutely terrible singers cast just for star power. Amanda Bynes in Hairspray cough Russell Crowe in Les Misérables cough Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia. Also, nothing screams wholesome American values like kidnapping, bestiality, and misogyny.

The filmmakers even had the decency to do a shout-out to my blog. *Spoiler* Belle reads a passage from one of my favorite plays by Shakespeare and quotes the lines that are inspiration for the title of this blog. Bonus points if you know the play!

So, since my animated dream will never be true, you make decent runner up, Emma Watson. If Sara and Amy fall through, give me a call.

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