Yes, I’m a Creep

I am always dissing online dating and harshly judging others who use this as a means to find “true” love. In an attempt to better myself and stop feeling these negative feelings, I delved into the world of online dating. I didn’t do this to find a date, but rather to find out what the big deal is exactly. I created several online profiles and while I didn’t divulge any personal information, I also didn’t lie about anything either. I draw the line at being a total creep, after all. Since I didn’t lie, I only experienced the sites as a woman seeking a woman, so I can’t vouch for how all of this works for those crazy heterosexuals and gay men. Here is what I learned in the process:

-Selfies are quite possibly the most unattractive way to put yourself out there. A lot of actually pretty ladies can turn into ducks like from that Twilight Zone episode.

-Putting up pictures of you with your more attractive friends, doesn’t help your case (also if I were your friend and found out that you put my picture up, I am pretty sure I would kill you.)

-A lot of people really do not know how to describe themselves…if you don’t know who you are, maybe this is why you don’t have a date.

-Contacting people and telling them you are doing research and you would like to talk tends to scare the ladies away.

-The ladies that do respond and have full blown conversations with you might have a screw or two loose. (Maybe I do too.)

-Many men think that they are exactly what a woman seeking a woman is looking for. They don’t even try to hide it.

-There are more people out there looking for threesomes than one could imagine.

-There must be some people who use these sites who are really dumb since one of the questions to match me to my mate was, “Which is bigger, the sun or the earth?” It then asks how important is your match’s answer?

-People are scared of being alone.

-A lot of people are looking for their sole mates. It must be time to settle down from those polygamous lifestyles and find the one.

-There are way too many creeps in comparison to people trying to find love. I am exhibit A.

-Online dating is definitely not for me.

My conclusions may have been drawn from my already negative feelings, but here are my final thoughts on the matter. I could never find someone that I would want to spend the rest of my life with on a computer, but that doesn’t mean that someone else can’t. What it lacks for me, is an opportunity to see a person through my eyes, since you only see what they want you to see. Not all sites are created equal though, and if you find the right one, maybe you can take a chance and meet your soul/sole mate. One thing for sure though, it won’t be me.

*Thanks to all the anonymous ladies who did talk to me and did not call the police or report me. Sorry if I broke your hearts, but I don’t think I led anyone on too much.

SWF Seeking Partner for the Apocalypse

So my mom was just informing me that I should find myself a rich woman to take care of me and then we would never have to worry about money. My reply to this was, “I can’t find any woman, much less a rich one!” Now I am the last person who would ever use online dating or classifieds to find a partner, you can ask my friends if you don’t believe me, but I figured I would post a nice classified ad/online profile here. You see, my life is not that exciting, so I am here to show you all how to represent yourself in your profiles/ads without lying so that you can find your one true love. Or 5 new ex true loves.

SWF Seeks GF for the Zombie Apocalypse

Basic Information:

Occupation: Management (Never give away where you work, just make it sound important)

Age: 25 Quarter of a Century (makes you sound more mature)

Height: 5’4″ sometimes 5’6″ with that one pair of sneakers with really great arch support  5’4″

Wants Kids: To go away

Ethnicity:  Part German, Austrian, and Russian. White.

Religion: Doomsday Prepper

Drinks: water, milk, pop

Smokes: Bacon

About Me

I spend most days and nights at home with my mom, cat, and bird. I am very family oriented. I love to talk to the animals in my yard. I am quite the social butterfly. In my spare time I alphabetize my book shelves. I am a very organized individual. I am a very picky eater, so my diet consists of three dishes which I have perfected. While not a professional chef by any standards, I certainly know my way around a kitchen. I can and do read more than 3 books at a time. I am a great multitasker which comes in handy with my busy schedule. Writing a blog is one of my only ways of human communication. Skilled writer who has been been published and read in multiple countries. Waiting and preparing for the day that my skills will come to use when the dead rise and I will save the world. Insatiable dreamer who prepares for any situation.