An Idiot’s War

I cooled down,
I thought about it,
and you know what?
I’m still pissed.
How easy it is
to deal blame
from your high horse
while we burn in flame.
Enough is enough
and your kingdom will fall
just like your pride, your ego,
your dumb-ass wall.
I cooled down
and then thought some more
about how to win
an idiot’s war.

© Autumn Siders 2018

Greeting Cards for Impeachment

There have been whispers since our current president took office. There was even a meager attempt to bring impeachment upon the commander in chief. Regardless of where you stand politically, it seems that the possibility of impeachment just won’t lay down and die. If that happens, I just don’t think the fragile ego of said president could survive. Here are some ideas for helpful cards to send President Trump should he fall from his self-made pedestal.









These forefathers we look up to
fought for many things:


They wanted, not a tyrant
who would dictate their lives,
but a government of the people
meant to help its members thrive.

Even still these grand men
had fortune and land
and already had more power
than most had at hand.
Those who died on the fields,
maybe not in vain,
died without freedom
and died in great pain.

Today we still want
as a tyrant still lingers,
the joke of some meme.

© Autumn Siders 2017

For Profit

Last on the agenda,
let’s address world peace.
I’m not really for anything
that would make war cease.
Peace is not profitable
and my wallet must be lined
with dollars and corruption
and the greed of mankind.

You think you elected a leader
but my, how you are all blind;
I am a god in crappy vessel
leading the weak of mind.
Whatever I say must go
since we know I’d never lie
the truth from the Almighty
is cause enough to die.

© AUtumn Siders 2017



It was a bright cold day

in January,

and the clocks were striking


Big Brother stood above,

hands in the air,

preaching to the loyal choir


War is peace.

Freedom is slavery.

Ignorance is strength.

Propaganda produced

to those who will

swallow the pill with pride.


War can be peaceful.

Freedom is never free.

Strength is knowledge.

© Autumn Siders 2016

Vote Early, Vote Often

We here in America are experiencing one of the scariest election seasons known to our young country. It seems most citizens are resigned to vote for the lesser of two evils and for each citizen, “evil” has a very different meaning. Do we vote to “Make America Great Again?” After all slavery, a lack of rights for women, and male bigotry are the key components that created the land we love. Or, do we vote for a woman who would seem a little less than trustworthy, but hey, we all know she’s already been president.

Well, friends, I have the solution to this terrible dilemma. Come this Tuesday, I will be writing in the only candidates fit to run our country. Wanda Sykes and Ellen DeGeneres.

Here are some reasons why Sykes/DeGeneres is the only way to vote:

  • Wanda Sykes started out working for the NSA. She knows how important this country’s safety is and also how to send emails properly.
  • After leaving college, Ellen DeGeneres clerked at a law firm, meaning she knows just as much if not more that Donald Trump about the ins and outs of political policy.
  • Sykes is not afraid to talk about and deal with the hard issues “I’m a black, gay woman. I think the only way to make the GOP hate me more is if I sent them a video of me rolling around on a pile of welfare checks.”
  • DeGeneres has wonderful family values, her mother, Betty, is present in the audience during many of her shows. She has supported her daughter through thick and thin, even during those mullet days in the 80’s.
  • Both represent the kind of love and family that this country needs. Each has been married since 2008, and they even still love their wives. Respectively, of course.

How do they stack up in comparison to our other candidates?


Presumably both would know how to grab pussy just as well, if not better. Also know how to do so respectively.


Both are women, just like Hillary.

Still have your doubts??

The most important thing to note is that they both support the gay agenda. Maybe they can finally make clear exactly what that is.

Panem et Circenses

The Romans had their gladiators

and the Spanish their bulls.

At least their bread was good

and not a moldy mouthful.

The show here and now

in the good old U.S. of A

may be just as violent

in its own very special way.

There is still a lot of bull

and one victor will survive

but of one thing we can be sure

we cannot let hatred thrive.

© Autumn Siders 2016

Yet Another Day on the Campaign Trail

My Fellow Americans! And those who follow me and are lucky not to have to go through an American style election! I feel like the campaign process in America could very well be described in similar detail to that of an old war diary. The conditions suck. You hear the same thing day in, day out. Someone is constantly under fire. And at the worst of times you pray for death. I have the absolute privilege of living in an area where it would appear as if Mr. Donald Trump is one of the greatest candidates there is and only Dr. Ben Carson could come close to having our town’s vote. I do hope you all note the sarcasm that fuels this paragraph.

With that being said, I have the luxury of seeing a Trump sign on just about every lawn and corner around here. While I am sure that he does not care what I think of his sign or slogan, I think it could use a little sprucing up so I am here to help, Mr. Trump. I know I am lacking in artistic design, so let me just offer you a few slogans that might better explain your campaign since the folks of my town think you just want to “Make America Great Again.” Was it great to begin with?

“Make Hatred Great Again”

“Be an Asshole”

“Heil Trump”

“Find a Scapegoat and You Never Have to Discuss Your Faults”

“You’re Fired”

“Ignorance is Bliss…Until I am President”

“My Word is as Good as My Hair”

I would hate to discriminate like Mr. Trump, so here are some slogans from the cutting room floor of other candidates:

Dr. Ben Carson (side note: if he get’s elected do we call him Dr. President?)

“Heal. Inspire. Revive. or push 2cc’s of epi and get a crash cart, stat!”

Hillary Clinton

“Not Monica for America”

Jeb Bush


Bernie Sanders

“Do You Hear the People Sing?”

Chris Christie

“Telling it Like I Think It Is”

Ted Cruz

“Setting the Promise for America on Fire”

Marco Rubio

“I Need to Become President or Trump Will Deport Family”


Bestseller Mash-Up Round 6: Political Edition

Hard Witches: An influential presidential candidate shares her perspective of her time as US Secretary of State and infuses it with the rich and terrible history of how witches used personal email servers when communing with the Devil.

Crippled Pacific: A wealthy businessman and contender in the race for president explains how not only is America crippled, but also the waters to her west. Exploring the watery history from the 1950’s forward, he proposes a way to rebuild the nation and the waters by building skyscrapers in the ocean.

Yes, A More Perfect Union, Please: A neurosurgeon turned politician explains the constitution while complaining how boring it is to write. Imagine how boring it must have been for the founding fathers…

The Essential Life-Changing Magic of Tidying up: A Vision for America: A senator from Vermont discusses his plan for tidying up America if he gets into the Oval Office. It includes a lot of feng shui.

The Mindfulness Immigration Wars Coloring Book: A former governor of Florida shares his ideas on immigration. The book comes complete with pictures to color as a way to de-stress from whatever infuriating statement of his that you have just read.