A Loving Trip Down the Greeting Card Aisle

For those unconventional relationships this Valentine’s Day…

To the mother of my children… My love for you has grown over the years as much as your vagina.
To the man of my dreams… Thanks for being there when my husband isn’t.
You robbed my heart, my love, my soul. I robbed your bank account. Much love.
Save the flowers and the chocolates, You’re going to need the money for your doctor’s bills. Enjoy the syphilis.
Roses are red, violets are blue Here are some flowers, but I am still dumping you.